Joke- Wrong Number!

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answers the woman.

"We don't have a maid," says the man.

The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"

The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."

A long pause and the man asks, "Ooooops..! Is this 2261-1382
__._,_.___

Small Sardar Jokes- Huge Collection!m

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 second a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.


Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?


Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".


Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar:"I've been promoted as branch manager."


Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!


One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. you know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...


Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.


Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What came first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first.


Sardar wins Rs. 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave Rs. 11 crore after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs. 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs. back.!


Postman:- I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Sardar:- why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it....


Sardar proposed to a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1 year older to you'...........
Sardar said 'Oye no problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.


Sardar's wish :when i die,i wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefulyin his sleep not screamin like all the passengers in the car he was driving..


Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!


Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

Sardar's Letter to BillGates! Fantastic Joke!

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur
money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,

Banta Singh

English signs in foreign countries - Funny Lines!

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."

At a Budapest zoo:
"PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY."

Doctors' office, Rome:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."

In a Nairobi restaurant:
"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."

On an Indian river highway:
"TAKE NOTICE - WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."

In a City restaurant:
"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."

In a cemetery:
"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY, BUT THEIR OWN,GRAVES."

Tokyo hotel's rules ad regulations:
"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."

In a Tokyo bar:
"SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

Hotel, Japan:
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."

Hotel, Zurich:
"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"

In the window on a Swedish furrier:
"FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN."

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
"GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."

In a Swiss mountain inn:
"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."

A laundry in Rome:
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."

Intelligent Girls Jokes

One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heared from her mother that if she will do a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Devi" will come to her dreams & give
her 3 boons(Varadaan). So she decided to do it. She completed 4 yrs
successfully, doing prayer regularly.

Now it was a day for "Devi" to come. So she slept earlier with thoughts in her mind to ask.

And, really a "Devi" comes in her dreams. Now this is the dialogue between them.

Devi: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last 4 yrs, so I am
very very happy with you. I will complete any of your 3 wishes. You
can ask anything you like, but there is one condition.

Girl: Condition!, what is that?

Devi: You have a boy-friend?

Girl: Yes.

Devi: When you were doing a prayer, he was waiting for you, so he also sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didnt know anything about boon and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So whatever you will ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If you are agreed, then proceed for the 1st boon.

Girl: (After thinking for some time ... ): Yes, I am ready.

Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in
the world.

Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer than you.

Girl: It's OK.

Devi: Be as you wish!

Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the most
beautiful girl in the world.

Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome than the most
handsome boy in the world.

Girl: It's OK.

Devi: Be as you wish.

Devi: Now the last boon remains.

Girl: O Devi, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.

Devi: What? Are you sure!

Girl: Yes. Very sure!

Devi: Be as you wish.

Think friends,
what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe heart-attack & died
at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the girl became the world's
most beautiful girl and the richest one, too.

Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are! Girls are really more
intelligent than we believe about them to be. So be careful boys!

Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue till the end of
the mail .....

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

Dear boys, dont worry, actually what done is something different than what you all think!

Actually, the girl's boy-friend got a heart-attack, 10 TIMES
MILDER than that of the girl. So the boy-friend lived longer than the girl, being world's richest and the most handsome boy.

Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not really that much
intelligent than what we believe them to be.

A letter from a Sardar's mother to her son....

My dear Lotta,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing
this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live
where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that
most accidents happen within 20 miles from home, so we moved 25 miles
away and are safe now.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed
here took the house numbers with him for his new house so he would not
have to change his address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to
take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain
same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right
above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3
shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The
first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a
little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we
cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the
grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a
girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Beppo Singh fell in! the nearby well. Some men tried to pull
him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and
he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Genda Singh, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea
after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a
grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom.

P.S : Lotta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already posted off this letter.

Doctor and Software Engineer Joke!

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said:

Doctor I am on vacation for a month so that I can get myself
treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see
that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal
specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like
me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man:

I sleep vigilantly like dog thinking about my work load whole night.

I get up in the morning like a horse

I go to work running like a deer

I work all the day like a donkey

I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.

I wag my tail in front of all my bosses

I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

I am like a rabbit before my wife

Doctor: are you a Software engineer?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in
the beginning itself that you are a Software engineer. Come man, no one can
treat you better than me.